Rest in peace. Best wishes. On the street. In meaningful rituals.
RIP
My siblings and I recently discovered we had an ancestor, an unmarried Cornish miner who died in his 30s, buried in Ballarat Old Cemetery. We set off on the adventure of finding him, and sure enough there he was in Row 9. In an unmarked grave.
I was amazed how quickly and strongly we all said, ‘We’ve got to do something about this.’ We needed to care for him in a practical way by getting him a little plaque.
Later I told the story to my taxi driver from Southern Cross. He was from Bangladesh. He was very happy for me. He calculated it was 147 years since family had visited this guy. And now he could rest in peace.
Rest in Peace (RIP) is a strong positive wish worth exploring. At its heart this wish invites a gentle intention to make death a love project.
Best wishes.
Rest in peace is a kind of best wishes for the end of life. ‘You could think of it as ‘a good intention without doing much’, I heard someone in a forum say. He’d sent the thought rest in peace to Robin Williams and would do that for anyone famous when they died.
RIP is a kind of vocabulary for thinking and talking about death and loss. Set phrases like this help when words are hard to find.
On the street
Traumatic death is unbearable and calls for a larger memorial or tribute. Somewhere it’s likely to say RIP. That’s what’s there in street art I know.
In Northcote, the death of 15-year old Tyler Cassidy shot by the police, is memorialised in several laneways. RIP Cassidy. A Fitzroy portrait of skater Lewis Marnell, who died suddenly and shockingly from a diabetic hypoglycaemic attack says RIP. Each of these murals connects us to the person who died so suddenly.
I met a young artist who did a substantial mural to commemorate her friend Aurelia, years after her death. Aurelia was only young when she died suddenly. She'd been a close friend since primary school. In the mural it's out there - the huge loss, intense feeling and appreciation.
Rest in peace dear one. Rituals to make death a love project
Taking the time to reflect and plan meaningful rituals can create a vibrant shared peace after a loved one has passed away. Don’t rush - there is no need to hold a funeral within three to five days.
In my book Death, a love project I go into the value and importance of shared ritual when you are bereaved. There’s a chapter in which I invite you to think about how to involve children. And you’ll also find tips on ways you can help the environment.
Taking the time to prepare a unique ceremony and have various people contribute memories, music, poetry or stories is a wonderful thing to do. Being together at an event, absorbing the influence of a special person’s life is good.
If you’re anticipating the death of a loved one, I strongly recommend exploring the idea of rest in peace in your own mind. If you’re interested in talking further with me please be in touch.