For a great living funeral - a few tips.
Heard the term living funeral and wondered what such a thing might be?
I notice they’re defined in a number of ways, as:
a pre-funeral or celebration of life when you’re alive
a living wake
a funeral which is personal and meaningful which participants leave feeling more alive.
Here I’m talking about the first two ideas. A funeral is for those left behind. A living funeral or wake is for those who will be left behind, it’s for you, it’s for your relationships. It’s for saying goodbye in person. It’s a beautiful opportunity to express gratitude.
In the context of Covid and health vulnerabilities, you might think of bringing together special friends for a small thoughtfully curated event. If you’ve been told not to do parties at all so as to protect your health, you’d probably want to consider Zoom or another online platform.
Things to have in mind:
If you’re the reason for the party, think about how you’d like to feel after the event and plan with this in mind. Other things to think about:
What’s your purpose? Is it to hear from people about your connection with them, and the experiences you’ve shared? This can be a wonderful kind of completion. Is it to farewell people? Then think about how you’d like to do this. Do you want to have a throne that helps you to be somewhat distanced from the fray, and to talk to people one-to-one. Or would you like to give the speech of a lifetime?
Energy levels. If you’re not well you need to have energy management in mind. Palliative services can help you to have the best possible day or evening once they understand what you have in mind. Consider the time of day, the length of event.
Who’s going to be the driver, event manager or zoom host? Think about what’s required of the host of your living funeral or wake and about who will be helping and facilitating.
Is your event for a largish number? Or only for your inner circle?
Large living wake
My favourite large living wake story comes from my time on the north coast of NSW. Tony Belton was a great community figure in Byron Bay, and quite a party animal. At 72, he knew he only had months to live. He was quite ready to be the centre of attention and held his wake at a time that he could be present. It drew over 300 people to Byron Bay Golf Club.
Titled ’The Awakening’, there were five speakers, a ten-piece soul band, comedians, disco dancing and even pole dancers. ‘There were two of them, dressed in a devil and an angel outfit and they fought over my soul,’ Tony jubilantly recounted later. Tony loved his community – in the end he raised $53,000 through his wake, and this money benefited young people in a regional community. A bit of a love project wouldn’t you agree?
Small party at home
Those who’ve read my book, Death, a love project know that I support Karuna Hospice Services in Brisbane. About a decade ago, they looked after a young woman called Kylie. For her birthday her family organised a Mad Hatters’ Tea Party. Everyone wore a hat, and Kylie a princess crown.
‘It was a tough week for Kylie,’ wrote her sister in Karuna’s newsletter. ‘She was concerned … but we had a ball! We stuck multi coloured pom poms on the ceiling, hand-cut butterflies all over the walls, we had a whole shelf of all her favourite flowers and fairy lights … We had plenty of delicious cakes, sweet treats and champagne in true Kylie style!’
This is a great example of palliative services supporting someone in the last months of their life to do something they really want to do. Like to stay up longer than usual, to talk and dance and make a speech.
Would you ever consider a living funeral? If so, what flavour might you like it to have? If you’d like to talk further, do get in touch.