Do you feel out of sync I’m wondering? Are you sometimes surprised by how it is now, out of the blue?

Did you know you can do a virtual tour of the State Library? When I did it I saw the spot where I often used to work at the Russell Street entrance. I used to drink in the ambiance. Seeing it I almost cried. People who are suddenly bereaved can feel that what’s happened isn’t real. But then they know it absolutely is.

The weight of what’s happened to us, to the world is sombre. It’s all happened so suddenly. A feeling that’s not exactly sadness seems to run beneath my everyday. Perhaps it’s simply awareness of the big changes in and around me. I’ll be going along with a task, not thinking. Then I’m stopped in my tracks. ‘Is it all just a dream?’

No wonder we’re feeling out of sync with ourselves. I’m looking at cards we use in grief and bereavement training. The box says: No Script to Follow.

This card says: You tumble out of sync with others. You struggle to find new purpose, rhythm and roles.

Out of sync. We’re all doing it differently

Everyone’s doing it differently. I just got off the phone with someone who hasn’t had time to herself in weeks. ‘People say they’re learning a new hobby!’ Hobby? What are you talking about? I’ve got a four-year old, I’m working full-time. I’m flat chat!’ For someone who’s lost all sense of purpose and role through the upheaval it’s totallly different. ‘I’m realising I may never be able to offer those programs again,’ a friend says. She’s in mourning.

Some are on a steep learning curve with online meeting platforms. To others it’s old hat. Some are struggling to learn to stay at home. For others it’s no big deal.

I’m an introvert at ease with quiet and time to do my own thing. But even I’m lonely. I’ve heard a number of extraverts say how much they’re missing company. It’s so quiet! They’re embracing their 20-year old, and posting pics of themselves on Facebook. Why? Not sure. I’m sick of self-isolating. Solitude’s become lonely and at times sad.

It’s an individual journey to find a way of being that fits. Who am I in this new situation? And it’s a group journey navigating different needs and approaches in a household. Turbulent times with moods up and moods down, financial anxieties and the sheer pressure of home schooling. 

A friend comes by and we talk across distance. She’s going crazy. Being alone and only having yourself to talk to is awful. How to get through this and stay sane? I text her this link to Lody Njiokiktjien’s sweet cartoons later.

Sometimes we need to turn to someone who cares about us and say what’s churning around inside.

This card is a reminder that there is support if you look around you.

The post Out of sync? April 2020. appeared first on Annie Bolitho.

With interests and skills in this area, we undertook a research scan to provide the sector with insight into different organisations’ rituals, including when a resident dies. Respondents come from facilities in metropolitan Melbourne, from affordable to high end. Roles range from lifestyle coordinators and workers to clinical care coordinators and care managers. We have also talked to educators in the field.

We asked about rituals each organisation has in place, including rituals for death; policies around death and dying; roles and responsibilities; and what things the respondent values or would like to see done differently when a resident dies.

Early findings highlight that almost all facilities have similar well-defined rituals around major events such as Mothers’ Day, Anzac Day, and so on.

What is notable is that rituals relating to death differ widely. But across the sector there is still a degree of what one respondent called ‘hiding and pretending’, and a culture of avoiding the subject of death, especially with residents. This leaves both staff members and residents uneasy and confused since they know someone is missing. When there’s an opportunity to share elements of the person’s life story, that really helps. The findings indicate that there is welcome practice change in some organisations, with some introducing clearly defined rituals, for example for removing a body from the home.

The majority of respondents see an ability to be open about death as essential for resilience for staff and residents. Leadership by executive staff is also seen as essential, with training and adequate staffing levels contributing to good practice.

Thanks to everyone who has contributed, and we look forward to sharing more detailed research results later this year.

This post was originally published in Ageing Industry Network Newsletter Issue 8, October 2017.

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